Sanji has a bad day
by jade-blue
Summary: Ever woken up with numb limbs? Been attacked by the dog down the road? Made a fool of yourself infront of someone? How come I never see these real life situations in One Piece? Well, now Sanji has to face reality.
1. Chapter 1

**I now own One Piece!... no I don't... or do I?... nah, just joshin, I don't... looks around suspiciously**

**Everyone has bad days right? But there are those people look like they're always just dandy. I will strangle those people.**

**You know all those annoying little things that _REALLY_ start to bug you when a lot of them happen in one day? Well, after experiencing a weekend full of those little things, I was inspired to write this fic.**

**Enjoy!

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The morning would have been easy for Sanji if he didn't have a late night the night before. The crew had docked the Going Merry in the harbour of a small town for the night, and Sanji had spent that night in a tavern doing what he loved most. Chatting up every pretty woman in sight. Thus, oversleeping the following morning.

Sanji opened his eyes lazily, he remembered he was still in the tavern. He had crashed on a sofa in the corner for the previous night. A tingling sensation in his left arm indicated pins and needles and his right leg appeared to be completely numb.

"great…" Sanji mumbled.

He looked around for a clock, trying to avoid getting up. There was one on the wall above the sofa, and as he twisted around to see it, he fell off the piece of furniture he was using as a bed.

Well at least he could see the clock now.

The clock depicted that it was almost 9am.

"Shit!" he swore.

He jumped to his feet. Only to have his vision blackout on him as he grew dizzy and stumbled, causing him to whack the back of his head on a hanging pot plant.

"Dammit" Sanji rubbed the back of his head as his vision returned. Another glance at the clock and- "Nami-swan must be starving! I got to go serve breakfast!"

He made to run but he had conveniently forgotten about his numb leg. He fell over.

"Shit!" he swore again.

He pounded his leg to get the blood flow back, he was barely able to wiggle his toes. When the numbness left his leg, it was replaced with pins and needles, to match his arm. This time when he got up, he got up carefully. He looked around to see the male bartender standing behind the counter, frozen in the position of wiping clean a glass. And yes, he had seen the whole incident. Sanji tried to ignore him as he left the building.

The sunlight briefly blinded Sanji, he squinted down the road to see if it was the right direction. It was. He ran down the road as fast as he could towards the harbour. When he reached his destination he looked around for the Going Merry. He put his hand on the wooden railing as he looked. He spotted the ship.

Just then some vicious barking sounded in his ears. He turned around, eyes wide. Sure enough, a vicious looking foxy terrier was heading his way, gnashing its teeth as it approached. Sanji was no fool, foxy terriers are small and cute, but they are territorial violent little monsters. After picking up as huge as splinter from the railing in his forefinger, Sanji ran for the ship. He got to the Going Merry before the blood-thirsty creature and pulled up the gangplank.

At least the running had got rid of his pins and needles.

Sanji sighed and made his way to the kitchen. But as he put his hand on the door, the call of nature beckoned. Well, more like the call of nature threatened to make him explode if he didn't answer, and as a warning he got one of those brief really-need-to-pee-right-now cramps that no one likes. When the cramp subsided Sanji ran for the bathroom.

Fortunately he was getting a lot of exercise this morning from running.

Unfortunately the bathroom was taken.

He knocked on the door.

"What?" came an annoyed voice from the other side.

Sanji recognised the voice as Zoro. "Hurry up marimo!"

"Why should I!"

"Just, just hurry up!"

Silence for awhile.

Then the door opened in a cloud of steam. Zoro stepped out with a towel around his waist and walked straight past Sanji. Sanji rushed into the bathroom, closing the door behind himself.

**.' jade '.**

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**I just couldn't help but put in a shirtless Zoro :P**

**and I am going to continue this. And I also put the challenge out there for anyone to make a fic where one of the One Piece characters experience a _REALLY _shite day. Tell me if you write one :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**I've been caught up with other things so sorry it took so long to update.**

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After the call of nature had been answered Sanji head back to the kitchen with Luffy's familiar cries of "SANJIIII!!! FEEEEEED MEEEEEE!!!" echoing around.

The ship had left the harbour behind.

Time to act fast. He turned on the stove and whipped out various types of meat and vegetables. Within half an hour a giant breakfast was laid out on the table. He left the kitchen to fetch Nami for breakfast before everyone else so she had a chance to eat something.

He found her on the front deck. "Forgive the lateness of breakfast, it is now prepared my be-be-beauty." Sanji stifled an unexpected yawn.

"It's okay Sanji." She said as she left for the kitchen.

He watched as she went up the stairs then entered the kitchen. He looked around, Luffy was on the figurehead of the ship and Usopp was beside him leaning on the rail. "Oi Luffy! Usopp! Breakfast!"

They practically flew past him. "Okay, now where is that idiot swordsman?" Sanji said to himself.

If he wasn't sleeping on the front deck, he would be training on the back deck. Sanji made his way to the back deck to find Zoro training with his weights.

"Predictable"

"Nani?"

"Oh nothing, breakfast is ready."

Zoro put down his weights and left for the kitchen.

Sanji lent against the railing and sighed. He was so tired. He would have kicked himself for sleeping in if his kicks didn't have the power to break 21 wooden baseball bats in one go.

He pulled out his tin pack of cigarettes. There was one left. After making a mental note to roll some more, he put the last one between his lips and lit it. He had started smoking at the age of ten and had no intention of stopping.

"SANJI! I'M HUNGRY!" Shouted Luffy as he collided with Sanji.

The collision knocked Sanji's last cancer-stick into the water below. Now Sanji was even more annoyed.

"YOU JUST ATE!" he yelled at his captain.

"But what about morning tea?"

"That's not for another hour! If you're hungry go and get a biscuit, they're in a jar on the counter."

"Yay!" The rubber boy ran off to the kitchen.

Sanji turned back to look down at the water again, desperately wishing that he didn't drop that last cigarette. If he ever needed a cigarette, today would be the day he would need it the most.

He remembered he allowed Luffy into the kitchen. To get food. Alone.

"Ah crap."

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**hm, Sanji didn't seem to suffer enough... got any ideas to make him suffer more?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's been a long time since I updated, but my 8 week holiday started a week ago so I should have time to update faster. Enjoy!**

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Sanji ran for the kitchen and pushed the door open so hard it swung around, hit the wall then rebounded to whack him in the face. He groaned then opened the door again, this time a little more slowly. The state of the kitchen was atrocious. Chairs and tables were upturned and empty plates were all over the floor, some were broken. And sitting in front of the open fridge was Luffy, shoving every piece of food he could get his hands on into his mouth.

"Luffy! Stop eating!" Sanji yelled at his captain, "I said stop it! Get out! Get out of my kitchen!"

Sanji made to kick Luffy but just at that moment the rubber boy happened to lean forward to reach a leg of pork at the back of the fridge. His kick narrowly missed Luffy, now Sanji would have been alright if his other foot wasn't on top of some spilt sauce thus resulting in him slipping over and landing comically on his arse just as Zoro walked in. Zoro just started laughing.

Sanji's face heated with both embarrassment and anger, he figured he had just lost what ever dignity he had that made him appear superior to the swordsman.

He got back to his feet and brushed off his suit, "Bloody hell Luffy, get out of my kitchen unless you're going to help me clean up this mess!" Sanji was shouting at Luffy over Zoro's laughter.

Luffy turned around to look at Sanji with wide innocent eyes, "I am helping" he pointed to the stove which seemed to be on fire, "I'm helping you make dinner."

Sanji's jaw dropped, "How is this helping?!"

Luffy finally noticed the stove on fire and ran from the kitchen before Sanji could yell at him more. Sanji proceeded to put out the fire with a wet towel.

After inhaling a lot of smoke and observing the scorch marks, Sanji turned around dreading that Zoro was still at the doorway. He sighed in relief to discover Zoro was gone. But then tensed up again as he heard the loud laughter of the swordsman and the others out on deck.

"No" Sanji put his hand on his face, thinking they were all laughing at him. It was when he heard Nami's scream he looked up in shock and forgot about his own troubles. Sanji's mind quickly raced over all the possibilities, sea monster attacking, her being threatened, all theories resulting in Nami being hurt. "I'm coming Nami-swan!"

Sanji burst through the kitchen door heroically and faced the deck only to see the rest of the crew recovering from nosebleeds and no trace of Nami.

"Where's Nami-swan? Why did she scream? Is she okay? Is she in trouble?" Sanji panicked.

"Stop freaking out dartboard-eyebrow. She's fine, she should be in her room."

Sanji glared at Zoro, "Then who screamed?"

"Nami did,"

"Why?"

Zoro pointed to a few pieces of material on the deck, "She was sunbathing, and the stitching on her new bikini was shotty."

Sanji's jaw dropped.

Zoro chuckled as he recalled the event in his mind, "The bikini just, fell off. You missed out big time ero-cook."

Sanji fell to his knees and hung his head. "Why me?" he sulked, "Of all the people to miss that, why me?"

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**For Sanji, what could be worse then missing out on seeing a hot chick naked? XP**

**please review! And don't forget to give me ideas for future chapters :P Because I enjoy writing this just as much as you enjoy reading it, so if you don't enjoy it then I'll become a humourless robot! O.O don't let me become a robot! I'll have to live off fuel and oil which don't taste too nice! ... I much rather polish.**


	4. Chapter 4

**ha ha, I had to up to rating to 'T' because of curse-words :P**

**Okay, I TRY to take everyone's ideas into account, sometimes I blend people's ideas together. and ****Masaichu**** wanted something good to happen to Sanji. Buuuut, this is all about Sanji suffering so, something good may not turn out to be good… heh heh heh…

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"Want to play cards Luffy?" Ussop asked.

"Yeah! Let's play the game where I win!" Luffy grinned that impossible grin of his.

Usopp rolled his eyes and stood up "I'll go get the cards then." He head off towards the men's quarters.

Sanji was still silent, just moping and on the verge of tears from his awful day. He badly wished something good would happen to him, any little thing to just feel better. Then something shiny caught his eye, he looked up and saw a coin. At first Sanji didn't believe it, it was too good to happen to him on a day like this. And with that money he could by some cinnamon to make that new dish for Nami.

He reached out to take it, just as his fingers touched the coin Usopp walked by and stepped on his fingers.

"ARGH!" Sanji yelled in shock, pain and anger.

"EEEEE!" Usopp yelled in cowardice then ran for it before Sanji could boot him.

Sanji half stood up, slouched over as he held his injured hand with his other one. If there were any such thing as crazy eyes, Sanji had them. Almost bulging out of his head, he looked around wildly. Anyone would think he was about to flip out completely.

The blonde chef straightened up but didn't let go of his hand, "USOPP!"

You could almost hear the shaking of Usopp's knees from deck. But it was perfectly understandable why Sanji was so pissed off. Maybe all the small things before hand had pushed him right to the edge, though most the blame could be placed on the fact of just how important Sanji's hands were to him.

His hands were most likely fine, the shock was bigger than the pain. But the reality still remained that Usopp was careless enough to step on them.

Sanji stormed towards the men's quarters with every intention of kicking Usopp's hide until his leg went numb. It was a scary sight seeing Sanji storm along like that. Well, it was a scary sight up till the part where he fell down a hole in the floorboards.

"Gah! Shit!" Sanji's back ached from the hard object he landed on. He took a look at what he landed on, "Shitty-swordsman" he growled when he saw it was one of the marimo's weights.

It didn't take a genius to work out that Zoro had dropped a weight that had smashed through the floorboards above.

"Damn I'm going to kick the shit out of that crap-swordsman- ow fuck!" Sanji felt the force from a blow to the back of his head.

He spun around to see who hit him but a towel was thrown over his face. "Get out!" Shrieked the unmistakable cry of a ticked off Nami.

"Nami-swan!" Sanji's heart skipped a beat in joy and he began to pull off the towel over his head. "Oof!" Sanji keeled backwards from a blow to the gut.

Now he was even more tangled up in the towel.

Nami pushed him up the stairs, "Get out!"

"Why Nami-swan?" he still hadn't got the towel off his face.

"Because I'm not fully dressed!" She gave him one last push out the door then slammed it behind him.

Sanji desperately struggled to remove the towel but was trying so hard to get it off that it wouldn't come off. He slammed himself into a wall and slid down it. He just sat there for awhile with his legs spread out in front of him, his back against the wall and a towel still over his face. He grabbed hold of the towel and pulled it off, annoyed about how easily it came. Then he giggled.

"I just got beat up by a half naked Nami" he thought to himself.

And he didn't let the fact that he didn't see her once let him down.

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**REVIEW -this message should only appear for one tenth of a second every ten seconds.**

**and I know a lot of people want something good to happen to Sanji, and this chapter might just be the best thing that will happen to him in this fic. Happy? Two good things happened, he found some money and got beaten up by a hot chick in her panties... come to think of it, he never got that coin did he?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thankyou for all the ideas my faithful reviewers :D I love you all so much! And for all those Sanji fangirls that are pitying the poor bloke, maybe this chapter will make you happier :P**

**I'm just going to mention this again, I challenge anyone reading this to write a fic about one of the One Piece characters having a shitburger of a day.**

**So far I am pretty sure just one person has done one, and that's Lanky nathan. If you want to read it you'll have to go to his profile page cause i can't paste links here :(**

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Sanji checked his pocket for cigarettes before remembering he didn't have any left. After all that excitement he needed something in his system, caffeine maybe. He got back to his feet and brushed off his suit before entering the kitchen. He put Nami's towel on the bench with a thought of how she would appreciate it being returned to her all washed and nice and fluffy.

He looked in the coffee jar for some beans but found there were none. with a groan of dissaproval he switched his attention to the wine cabinet where he found a strong looking bottle of red wine. He removed the cork and poured a mug of the drink then began to drink.

"SANJI!" Luffy shouted as he burst through the door. "Feed me!"

Sanji spun around and spilt the wine over his jacket, tie, and shirt. "Get out of my kitchen, I've only just cleaned since you were last in here!"

Luffy recalled the fire and bolted. Sanji groaned in annoyance as he observed the stains on his clothes. The smart thing to do was to soak it immediately, so he took off his shirt, tie and jacket and put them in the sink and then filled it with hot water and soap.

Wearing nought but pants and boxers Sanji exited the kitchen and made his way to the men's quarters to get a fresh change of clothes. Usopp was already in the men's quarters and was mixing his chemicals trying to make a new explosive. Usopp heard the door open and turned around to see Sanji, with their previous encounter still fresh in his mind, his instincts took over and he yelped and bolted past Sanji to take refuge somewhere else on the ship.

"Baka" Sanji muttered.

Sanji walked into the room and looked around for his clothes and found them folded neatly in a pile to the side of where Usopp was working before, to the side of Usopp's experiments, which had tipped over and were now mixing on the floor.

Unfortunately Sanji noticed this too late.

A small explosion and a lot of smoke later Sanji found himself standing beside a pile of smouldering material that used to be his clothes, and his pants were burned all the way up his legs so it looked like he was wearing tattered short-shorts.

"Oh fucking hell!"

He scanned the room in search of some more clothes. With nothing to wear he began to examine the clothes of his crewmates, Luffy and Usopp were too small for him to fit into their clothes, the only clothes that would fit belonged to Zoro.

Sanji held up the swordsman's clothes as he tried figure out what would leave him with more dignity, wearing Zoro's clothes or walking around in tattered short-shorts. After a lot of consideration with how sexy his legs would look in short-shorts and how Nami might even check him out, he decided it wasn't worth the endless yet witless mocking he would get from Zoro. Plus it was hard to convince himself he had sexy legs under all that hair.

Reluctantly he pulled on the pants shirt and boots. And because Zoro was slightly taller and much more built, the entire ensemble was rather loose. Sanji eyed the green haramaki lying on the floor. And as there were no belts available, he found himself reluctantly putting it on so his, or, Zoro's, pants wouldn't fall down.

"Stupid bloody moss-head" Sanji muttered as he stormed out of the quarters, hoping desperately that Zoro would be asleep for the rest of the day.

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**-sigh- I think I'll finish the chapter here. Stupid writer's block...**

**I hope all you Sanji fangirls enjoyed Sanji walking around without a shirt and wearing tattered short-shorts :P**

**save me from writer's block by reviewing!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Well I've hit 30 reviews so I'm putting up this chapter now :D**

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"What the fuck are you doing in my clothes!?" Zoro had jumped to his feet at the first sight of Sanji. 

Sanji flipped onto his hands and delivered a blow to the side of the swordsman's head; he stood up straight and dusted himself off. Out of habit he made to put his hands in his pockets but unfortunately there were none, so he put his hands on his hips instead.

A bright flash temporarily blinded Sanji. He spun around to see Nami putting away her camera. Zoro seized the opportunity to throw punch at the back of Sanji's head. Sanji spun a kick at Zoro but he ducked.

As all this was going on, Luffy decided to raid the kitchen for the second time that day.

And when Sanji heard the kitchen door shut he diverted his attention from Zoro, who had just drawn his swords and was anticipating a good fight.

"Oi! No!" Sanji bolted into the kitchen after Luffy only to find him standing in front of the open pantry. "I swear I locked that…"

"Nope, you left it open!" Luffy grinned; he had a large chunk of meat in each of his hands.

Sanji growled and grabbed Luffy by the back of his collar.

The kitchen door burst open and Zoro came running in, clearly intent on finishing his fight. "We're not done yet dart-board brow!"

Zoro charged at Sanji, all three of his swords in place. Sanji barely had enough time to throw Luffy to the side let alone dodge the oncoming attack. All the commotion ended up with Zoro bowling over Sanji and them both tumbling into the pantry. And how unfortunate it was that the pantry door had shut behind them, locking itself in place.

Sanji and Zoro both cursed in unison.

"Luffy! Get me out of here!" Zoro tried to shout through the door.

Sanji tried to kick the door down but there wasn't enough room to gain enough momentum.

After roughly an hour or so later, they had given up on screaming out for help and trying to break down the door. So they just stood there, listening for the sound of someone entering the kitchen.

"They probably know we're here." Zoro growled after a long while.

"If they knew we are here, then they would have let us out already!"

"I dunno, I wouldn't put it past that woman to leave us here for ages just for the sheer enjoyment of it." Zoro's voice was calm.

Sanji's voice on the other hand, was anything but calm. "Don't talk about Nami like that you piece of shit!"

As Sanji was unable to deliver a decent blow in such a confined area, he just shoved the swordsman against the other side of the pantry. The tremor from the push resulted in a bottle of wasabi sauce falling from a high shelf and smashing open on the chef's head.

"Ah crap" Sanji swore, trying to flick his wasabi soaked hair out of his face so the sauce wouldn't get into his eyes, but he was failing. "Why the bloody hell does my hair have to sit so perfect?"

"Don't ask me pretty-boy" Zoro laughed.

Sanji tried to bring his hand up to push back his hair but he couldn't because one of Zoro's swords was in the way. The thick green sauce was starting to creep onto his forehead. Sanji sighed and admitted defeat to the wasabi sauce. He was going to have to do what he didn't want too.

"I need your help marimo." Sanji growled.

Zoro smirked, thoroughly enjoying the moment. "Ask nicely and I might consider it."

Sanji's eye twitched, "_please,_ may you help me?" he asked, poisoning the word 'please' as if it pained him to say it.

Zoro withheld laughter, "with sugar on top." He paused to savour the moment.

"Please and thankyou with sugar on top" Sanji drowned his words with sarcasm.

"…And sprinkles" Zoro laughed.

"Fine! With sugar on top and sprinkles and cherries and every other sparkly little bits of shit you can think of!"

Still laughing, Zoro used his free hand to wipe all Sanji's wasabi covered hair back and out of his face. Leaving Sanji's hair green, and like a bad gel-back job.

About 20 minutes later, the door opened and they toppled out and landed at the feet of Nami.

"Arigato Nami-swan!" Sanji swooned in gratification. Then he rushed to the sink to wash off the sauce but he saw his clothes were in the way. So Sanji head off to the bathroom to wash his hair.

And of course on his way to the bathroom he tripped over his own feet because he wasn't paying attention, and Zoro saw him trip and land on his face then laughed at him. Then, flustered and annoyed, Sanji stormed into the bathroom only to violently stub his pinkie toe on the door frame as he entered.

Sanji cursed loudly and slammed the door behind himself in frustration.

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**I think the next chapter may very well be the last.**


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